2008/10/08

〈克羅里和阿茲拉斐爾的新年待辦事項〉

原文出處譯文出處

Crowley:
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or "Googling yourself?" Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for "Googling yourself."
Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, "Low-hanging fruit," because that's just like old times.
Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think it's ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, that's all.
Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.

一、必須說服自己,用超級強力膠把銅板黏在街道上、然後觀察附近咖啡廳的活動並不是適當的惡魔行為。(第一項就讓我大笑了XD)
二、還有重排路邊講道壇上的文字。
三、嘗試想出一個跟手機鈴聲一樣好的東西,然後最後一次說服地獄的人手機鈴聲就在悲慘的人類世界裡。還有iPod。難道下面沒人對iPod說過謝謝嗎?或者是「Google你自己」?真奇怪,我應該可以為「Google你自己」這件事拿個獎的。
四、必須鼓勵貪婪的人們使用這個術語「Low-hanging fruit」(譯註:快速容易的目標,有如低垂的水果),因為那就跟以前一樣。
五、今年在窗戶旁弄張桌子。(你要幹嘛?)
六、嘗試理解為什麼地獄禁止吸煙。我只是覺得必須站在大門外這點很荒謬而已。
七、根據上級的命令,我會鼓勵人們相信智慧設計論(Intelligent Design,譯註:認為人類智慧是被設計出來的),因為那會讓所有人都不爽。
八、別再Google我自己了。


Aziraphale:
Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term "core values," however difficult this may be.
Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase "core values" classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It can't be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an "Internet" is.
Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the "Galloping Major," the "Gay Gordons," the "Mashed Potatoes." Possibly even the "Twist"?
Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design – despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.

一、將和平、愛和偉大喜樂的良善訊息傳播到全世界。然後嘗試多弄一些。
二、替那些使用「核心價值」的人施捨仁慈,不論那有多難。
三、在不違反第二條(見上)的情況下,我會加倍努力將「核心價值」的言論標示為最危險的罪孽。我相信他會同意我這點。(譯註:core亦指果核)
四、對顧客好一點。他們想買書;我想賣書給他們。這應該沒那麼難的。(給自己的備忘錄:規律的開店時間?在書上標價錢?)
五、嘗試對加百列好一點,無論對方如何挑釁。(這項讓我大笑不已XD)
六、理解「網際網路」到底是什麼。(又一項讓我大笑不已XD)
七、絕對得重拾舞蹈課程。學會「Galloping Major」(譯註:一首1906年的歌,由George Bastow創作,並用於1971年英國喜劇電影《No Sex Please, We're British》)、「戈頓舞」(Gay Gordons,譯註:一種蘇格蘭土風舞)和「馬鈴薯泥」。或許可考慮「扭扭樂」?
八、阻止地獄詭計(持續中)。
九、嘗試理解為什麼天堂禁煙。(默契?)
十、奉上級命令,我會鼓勵人們相信智慧設計論──雖然人類的氣管跟消化道交錯。誰會相信那是智慧的傑作?
十一、記得餵鴨子。vvv

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超好笑怎麼會這樣XDDDDD
尼爾蓋曼太強大了XD

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